Puppy tears
by HailForTheQueen
Summary: Shigure is depressed again but, after a couple of weeks and a confession to Hatori, Hatori is convinced Shigure is just seeking attention and also tells Ayame, Yuki, Kyo and Haru. When he is truly alone and truly depressed, what will Shigure do..?
1. In The Beginning

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any of the characters_

 _Don't read if you don't like the characters being depressed and whatnot.. This is my first ever fanfic so be kind and review!_

The depression came back and it was now worst than it had ever been. It shook him awake at night and haunted his day, ever present, ever loyal. It was a constant ghost of a dead and now malevolent happiness, just wanting him to die from utter misery.

Shigure sighed, his gloomy expression, lazy posture and the dark patches under his eyes, visible evidence of his fatigue. Sleepless nights and exhausting days was his new routine and though it was unwelcome, it stuck with him. It was the second week since his depression came back and people were starting to notice.

**** A couple days ago ****

Hatori looked up from his newspaper, a cigarette perched between his lips. He looked straight at Shigure who had hardly spoken all day. Being his stubborn, doctor self, he had not said anything to him about it, just simply observed but now he was starting to get impatient.

Shigure looked up, feeling the doctor's gaze heavy on him. He quickly flashed a smile and when he got no reaction, a hurt puppy-dog face, pouting slightly and almost whimpering. "What is it Ha-san?" The doctor's gaze got more intense and Shigure knew that Hatori was getting suspicious of something.

"I'm just tired Ha-san!" He tried to laugh off the serious stare and picked up his newspaper, pretending to read.

Hatori almost fell for the I-just-didn't-get-much-sleep act. Almost. He knew Shigure too well. For the rest of the day he kept a close eye on him, noticing the way he was constantly stumbling, frowning, yawning and moving stiffly.

Curious as he was as to what was making Shigure act like this, he asked no questions and left after dinner.

**** Present ****

"Shigure-san! Dinner's ready!"

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts and back to a dark reality.

He sighed, put on a fake smile and walked out of his bedroom and towards the kitchen.

 _Please review if you want the next chapter!_


	2. Blood And Metal

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits basket or any of the characters, if I did... heh heh..._

 _Authors note: I should've said this in chapter 1 but, this story is gonna be full of Shigure's darker side with self harm, depression and suicidal thoughts/actions. If you don't like this stuff, fine by me, just don't write any negativity and I'll tell you when I write more heartwarming and emotional stuff (they'll probably be oneshots). Plus, I'm new to this so, yeah..._

Chapter 2

Shigure sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat and hyperventilating. The alarm next to his bed read 02:42 in bold red.

He frantically looked around his room for something to calm him after such a vivid and terrifying nightmare. There was nothing but darkness.

He jumped out of bed but, fell to the floor, entangled in his duvet.

He choked back a scream as he fought off the blanket and struggled to his feet, crashing into his bookshelf as the blood rushed to his head and the dizziness knocked him off balance. He held onto it, trying to steady his shaking body and, after a minute or two regained balance and rushed out of the door.

Still hyperventilating and now shaking worse than before, he blindly stumbled towards the stairs. His head was pounding, vision blurred by tears welling up in his eyes. Halfway down the stairs he started coughing uncontrollably and lost his balance for the second time, consequently falling down the rest of the stairs.

He had landed on his side and luckily not hit his head.

After making so much noise since awakening, he was surprised he hadn't roused anyone from their beds.

 _Heavy sleepers.._

His whole body was hurting as he lay there but, he knew what he had to do and, the sooner the better.

After laying there for a while, he picked himself up only to have his knees buckle underneath him.

Tears streamed down his face as he crawled to the phone.

He picked it up and tried dialling a number, struggling because of his shaky hands and blurred, unfocused vision. Finally it started to ring.

A couple moments went by until he heard a tired yet familiar voice answer.

"H-Haa-san?"

"Shigure? What the hell is so important that you woke me up past 3 in the morning to tell me?" His voice was angry and harsh making Shigure rethink his plan.

"Haa-san..."

 _Just tell him what's been going on, he'll help, he's been your friend since you were a child,_ the voice in his head urged.

"Haa-san, I had a terrible nightmare! I've hardly slept in the past month, I can't take it! I'm depressed again Haa-san! I dont know what to do anymore, it's like it's taking over my-"

He was cut off by an unimpressed and irritated Hatori.

"Shigure, shut up. Don't start this again. Faking depression? It's despicable, I thought you grew out of the whole attention seeking charade in college. Just stop. I can't believe you actually woke me up for this..." Hatori let out a long, exhausted sigh. "Don't even think about telling anyone else Shigure, they don't need to deal with your stupid antics, it's not fair. Go to bed, leave me and everyone else alone." And with that the line went dead, leaving a shaking, crying and shocked Shigure in a heap on the floor.

 _What just happened..?_

Hatori, his childhood friend, his family, his dictor, the person he thought he could always rely on had just rejected him, brushed his problems off as attention seeking. If he couldn't even count on Hatori, who could he count on..?

He stood, a headache now forming, a stream of tears running down his cheels before falling from his chin.

His legs had somehow led him to the kitchen where his hand had somehow found a knife. It was too early in the morning to smoke.

 _Will this ever get better? Probably not, if Hatori didn't take me seriously, no one will._

His hand holding the knife was getting weak and he almost dropped it but, used the last of his energy to hold it up, trying to tighten his grip.

He undid the buttons of his pajama shirt, exposing his chest to the cool air around him. Light from outside shone into the room illuminating the pale scars that lay on most of his stomach. Such old scars, dating all the way back to college. He had thought that he would never do it again after he had graduated..

 _I can't end it all right now, can I? No. I have Kyo, Yuki and Tohru to think about, I can't let them find me like this, it's too cruel, but I need to do something... The stomach would be too obvious to Hatori and Aya.. What about my arm..?_

Before he could even acknowledge his actions, he rolled up his sleeve and slashed at his arm with the knife until the pain was too much and he dropped the knife onto the counter, clutching at his bleeding arm.

Falling to his knees and holding his arm, he had to admit, through that familiar pain, he felt better somehow, relieved, like a build-up of anxiety, depression and thoughts had leaked out along with his blood. He moved away his hand and watched the red liquid drain from his left arm and drop onto the floor where a small puddle was collecting. The cuts were deep and weren't going to stop bleeding on their own any time soon.

In a daze, he stood on unsteady feet, holding his arm and making his way towards the downstairs bathroom in search of the first aid kit.

As the blood poured from the wounds, Shigure almost smiled, he found the red somewhat calming. He now had control of his pain. He caused it himself, not Hatori or Akihiko or anyone else, he felt in control.

He locked the bathroom door behind him and turned on the tap, allowing cold water to wash away the blood from his arm and hand, stinging the cuts at first but then soothing them.

However, the time it took to get the bandages out of the kit was enough to allow fresh blood to pour from the wounds, a sickening maroon that contrasted with his pale skin, even in the weak moonlight that came from the small window at the top of the walls. He ran the cold water over his arm again.

After a couple failed attempts, he managed to successfully bandage up his left arm in layers of soft cotton strips though, small spots of red soaked though, staining and otherwise perfect bandage.

He buttoned up his shirt and sighed heavily as he thought about the bigger task of cleaning the blood from the kitchen..

*** Half An Hour Later ***

He had completely finished cleaning and now, slightly calmer yet even more exhausted, managed to get back to his bedroom with the knife in his hand which he stored beneath his bed. Sleep came quickly and thankfully, this time he had neither nightmare nor dream.

 _Most of my chapters will be short and fast paced but, the first few will be kind of slow (sorry) because you kind of need the story before I can really get into it. The next chapter is going to be the longest so far but, I'm also gonna need reviews if you want the next chapter ;-)_


	3. Black And White

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any of the characters, how goddamn smart do you think I am..?_

 _Anyways, finally updated this as you can see, really starting to get into the story haha.. yeah... Well, enjoy! Or don't..._

It was about seven in the morning and Tohru, Kyo and Yuki were all up.

Dawn spilt into the rooms of the house, birds singing and the smell of breakfast wafting up the stairs, teasing Kyo though, having no visible affect on Yuki who stood leaning against the wall in the hallway, eyes closed.

As Kyo walked past and towards the stairs, he swore he could hear his cousin softly snoring. He rolled his eyes and went down the stairs towards the irresistible smell of breakfast.

He went into the kitchen to see Tohru beaming at him, hair tied back, frying pan in hand.

"Good morning.." He mumbled as he opened the fridge, grabbing the carton of milk and sniffing it before ultimately taking a large swig from it.

"Breakfast is almost done! Could you please get Yuki? He must be pretty hungry aha," she said, her voice comically happy. It was hard for him to say no so he exhaled, trying to show his utter displeasure at having to interact with Yuki but left without a word, leaving the carton of milk on the counter and Tohru smiling.

"YUKI!" Kyo yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "GET DOWNSTAIRS, TOHRU ASKED YOU TO HAVE BREAKFAST!"

He almost immediately heard a loud crash assuming it was cause by Yuki. Curious as the cat was as to what had happened, he hated Yuki and went back to the kitchen with his eyes closed and letting out yet another sigh. _Damn rat..._

In his sleepy daze, Yuki stumbled down the stairs and towards the living room where Tohru greeted him and Kyo looked just about ready to eat anything he could lay his hands on.

The trio had finished eating and were doing last minute preparations before school. Tohru, who had finished cleaning up, decided to go check up on Shigure, wondering if he'd be down to eat soon or if she should just put leftovers in the fridge and leave a note. Finally deciding to go and ask as to make sure she didn't do the wrong thing, she walked up the stairs and towards his room.

 _This way I'll know that he's awake and ready to eat soon and if not I'll just put his breakfast in the fridge for later! Hopefully I don'tnt disrupt him if he's sleeping or busy..._

She knocked on the door lightly, listening carefully for a response. Hearing nothing she gently opened the door.

She stood in the doorway looking into his room, slightly unsure of what to do.

"Um, Shigure-san..?"

He sat hunched in the chair at his desk, back towards her, completely silent and until now, oblivious anyone else in the house was still there.

He turned to face her slowly a blank expression plastered on his face instead of his signature cheery smile.

His mind was still reeling, asking countless depressing questions about everything that had happened. As he turned around he barely even registered Tohru, all he saw was a person standing there, looking at him. He blinked, hoping the person was just an illusion that would soon disappear.

"Shigure-san..." she said again, her voice edged with concern.

Realising who it was and that she was worried, he instantly snapped out of his daze and slapped on a lopsided smile.

"Ah, Tohru! Good morning!" He stood up beaming at her, trying to make the worry in her expression fade away.

She smiled back weakly.

"Breakfast is in the kitchen," she stated, trying to sound a little happier.

"Thank you, I shall be down in no time,"

Worry was still etched in her expression as she bit her lip and frowned slightly.

"Um, Shigure-san, are you okay?"

"Why of course I am! What could possibly be wrong on a day as beautiful as this? I was just a little tired, I did stay up much of last night working on my manuscript,"

 _Ohh! that explains it! Silly me, I'm sure he would've said if there was something bothering him. Wait, does he know he can..?_

"Aha, okay but, Shigure-san, you know you can talk to us about anything right? Me and Yuki are always here for you! Even Kyo is, he might seem a bit... angry or complicated sometimes but, he really does care for his family and friends!"

Shigure genuinely smiled at that. _Maybe I can.._

"Thank you Tohru-kun. Now you better hurry off to school, Yuki and Kyo must be waiting but, could you please put breakfast in the fridge?"

"Aha, okay ans you're right. Have a good day!" With that she smiled and left and, after a couple moments he heard the front door open and then close.

Shigure closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

 _And I'm alone again..._

His whole body was aching from falling down the stairs last night and his left arm was sore and pained but, none of that compared to the stabbing feeling in his heart as he thought back to Hatori's words.

A lump formed in his throat, tears welled in his eyes.

He sighed again, now was not the time for crying.

He quickly showered, changed his bandages and dressed in a navy kimono.

For the rest of the day he did nothing but continued with his manuscript, smoke and read.

**** later ****

"I'm home!" Kyo, Yuki and Tohru called accompanied by Momiji and Haru.

"Welcome back!" Shigure called from living room where he sat reading one of his favorite books. Though he was please at seeing the three and the surprise visit from Momiji and Haru, he still had to force his smile. He had to do that a lot lately, smiles just didn't seem to come naturally anymore.

The five came into the room and sat down all apart from Tohru who went into the kitchen to get them drinks.

"Would you like anything Shigure-san?" Tohru asked brightly.

"No thanks..." He mumbled, turning back to his book.

Haru instantly picked up on the dullness of the author. It was easy for him to tell when something might not be right with few he really cared about. Shigure was one of those people Haru had a slight soft spot for, after all, he had taken Yuki into his house for which Haru was forever grateful. He made a mental note to watch Shigure a little more closely to see if it was simply fatigue or something different entirely.

After a while, Tohru came back with the drinks and they all sat and talked and did homework.

Shigure had had enough of it, he loved them all but the happiness radiating from them was overwhelming and the contrast only made his depression clearer.

He stood up slowly and walked up the stairs and into his room, closing the door behind him.

At that, Haru frowned slightly. Why was sensei acting so.. sad...?

He was going to ask before he left and would not be satisfied without answers.

 _Ahhh, finally.. Sorry this took so long haha. Hope you liked it. And please review if you want the next chapter ;)_


	4. The Beauty Of Lies

_**Disclaimer: Well, I don't own Fruits Basket for a lot of reasons so, yeah...**_

 _ **Authors Note: Okay, sorry for the wait I was busy with my other fanfics (a second chapter to Cabin Of Tears and the first chapter to a new one. I won't say too much about my new one apart from that it's about Sekaiichi Hatsukoi and I won't say anything about the second chapter of Cabin Of Tears at all!). But at least I finally got this one out ;u; Enjoy! Or don't...**_

 _ **P.S. Sorry my chapters keep turning into code, I'll check each one in a couple hours and make sure everything's right when I post updates, sorry!**_

It's been an hour since Shigure went to his room and the curiosity was killing Haru. He suddenly jumped up.

"Where are you going?" Yuki asked as he tried to pry Momiji from around his waist where he he happily clung and smiled.

"Can I get a snack?" he asked, face as blank as usual.

"Uh, sure," Yuki replied and went back to the task at hand of trying in vain to detach himself from Momiji's surprisingly strong hold.

Haru strolled into the kitchen as Tohru was preparing dinner, washing and slicing vegetables.

"Oh, hi Haru-kun! Did you want something?" she asked brightly, pausing in the current leek she was chopping, not wanting to accidentally hurt herself.

"Just a snack,"

"Of course! Just help yourself aha," she said and continued preparing the vegetables, a warm smile on her face.

Haru opened the fridge and quickly scanned it's contents, his eyes eventually lingering on something in particular.

 _Breakfast?_

"Who's breakfast is this..?" He mumbled under his breath, quiet enough as so Tohru wouldn't hear. He picked the plate of food up and placed it on the counter, the glass making a _clink_ on the surface. He picked up the post-it note that was stuck to the cling film and read it.

 _Shigure's? Why is his breakfast in here?_

He glanced up at Tohru briefly and considered asking her.

 _No, him not eating breakfast would only worry her, I can't let her find this. But it's kind of a waste to throw such good cooking away... Oh well._

With that, he picked up the plate and slid the food into the bin quietly on the other side of the room. He walked back and slowly put the plate on the counter, took some fruit and left, questions flooding his mind.

Tohru had just finished making dinner. By now, Kyo had retreated to the roof leaving Yuki, Haru and Momiji in the living room and Tohru in the kitchen.

Tohru walked into the living room, smiling as Momiji ran over to her, arms falling by his side, a drawing clutched in one hand.

She praised his drawing skills before announcing that dinner was ready.

"Would one of you be so kind as to go get Kyo-kun and Shigure-san?"

"I'll get them," Haru said before anyone else had a chance to offer and left, leaving the four of them to set the table and put down the food.

 _First Kyo._

Haru made his way to the roof to see Kyo laying there, a text book laying on his face, head resting on his arms and elbows jutting out. He walked over to him, taking care to make sure he had balance and shook him awake.

Dazed, Kyo sat up and stared at Haru's impassive face until he said something, his sleepy state preventing him to snap at his younger cousin and demand an answer as to why he was there.

"Dinner's ready," and with that, Haru left and walked towards Shigure's room.

He knocked loudly and listened for a reply. Not getting an answer, he opened the door, stepped in and closed it. The first thing that hit him was the smell. Cigarettes, leather-bound books, ink and a slight hint of what was probably aftershave, that's what Shigure and his room usually smelled like but right now, the smell of cigarettes was almost all he could smell. The second thing that hit him was the darkness. The curtains were closed and the lights turned off.

"Sensei?" Haru said as he reached for the light switch and turned it on.

He lay curled up in a tight ball, shaking ever so slightly.

"Sensei?" Haru repeated, this time softer as he walked towards the bed and stood looking down at the shaking figure.

"Sensei,"

He crouched down and put his hand on Shigure's back as he was facing the wall. And thats when he heard it. The sound that broke his heart and caused his eyes to well with tears. He heard his sensei let out a sob.

 _Oh... Oh no..._

"Sensei, look at me!"

Another sob.

"Sensei!"

This time Haru used his strenght to roll Shigure over so they were facing each other.

His face was flushed and tears leaked from his scrunched up, puffy eyes.

"Oh Kami, Sensei... What is it?"

He suddenly sat up, tears dripping from his chin. He stared straight at Haru for a while before bringing his knees to his chest, resting his arms on them and burying his face before he started crying again.

Haru sat on the bed next to him, looking at his Sensei, slightly unsure of what to do before he pulled him into a hug. He had never heard so much sorrow from simply crying and it was really breaking his heart.

Now, Haru was never one for lovey-dovey-mushy stuff but, evident in his attitude towards Yuki, he really does care for people he loves and Shigure was one of those people, so, when he saw him crying like that, he really had to choice but to offer all the comfort he could.

They sat there like that for a while, Shigure crying and shaking while Haru held him and rubbed his back in soothing circular motions.

Finally, Shigure started to calm down until his tears had completely subsided and he was stable.

"Sensei, talk to me,"

Shigure lifted his head to look at Haru who stared back intensely into deep brown eyes, sorrow and pain all too evident.

"I-I just..." He sighed and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.

"You just what?"

Not getting a reply, he decided to investigate a different matter for the time being.

"Sensei, have you eaten today?"

Another sigh.

"Don't bother lying to me, I saw your untouched breakfast,"

"No, I don't think I've eaten but, I don't care,"

"Sensei-"

"Don't worry, I'm fine,"

"Then go eat dinner,"

"I'm not hungry,"

Haru was honestly a little taken aback, how can you not be hungry after not eating all day?

"Sensei, you haven't eaten all day"

"I don't need you acting like you're in charge of me, now go away please," by now Shigure was sitting up straight staring straight back at Haru.

Haru was impatient now. His black side wanted to pay them a visit but, that wouldn't help either of them so he used what little self-restraint he had to force it back.

"Sensei, come on," his voice was stern and commanding.

"No,"

Haru got up and glared at his older cousin for a moment before reaching out and grabbing his left arm to drag him up.

Haru let go and stared at his Sensei after he let out a cry of pain at the action.

"Sensei?"

"..."

 _Did me grabbing his arm hurt him? Was it because I was too harsh or was it already injured? I better check._

"Show me your arm,"

Shigure stayed silent, looking down at the floor, his left arm cradled in his right.

 _It's definitely hurt.._

"Shigure," his voice was dangerous, angry.

He quickly reached out and grabbed his arm earning another cry of pain. Shigure struggled to pull his arm away but Haru had a strong grip and he was in an awkward position.

Shigure was starting to panic. _Really_ panic.

 _Haru's going to see them. Haru's going to be disgusted. Haru's going to hate me. Haru's going to tell everyone_

He could feel Haru's intense gaze on him as he held his left arm. He could feel him tug at the sleeve to see Shigure's reaction.

Shigure started to hyperventilate to Haru's surprise. He was expecting a reaction but not one so... drastic.

Deciding it was best to just look and deal with his reaction after, he slowly rolled up the navy sleeve and he could could swear he saw-

"Haru," they both turned to look to the door seeing no other than Hatori. Haru stopped in his tracks, how could he not after Hatori just called his name with such sharpness and warning.

"Go downstairs,"

"But-"

"No buts. Downstairs. Now." He left no room for argument.

With some reluctance, he let go of Shigure, looked straight into his eyes and stalked off.

"Haa-san.."

"Shigure you fucking idiot! He almost saw your goddamn arm! Like he needs that kind of stress,"

The breath caught in Shigure's throat at the words from Hatori, new tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Haa-san, I'm sorry, I just-"

"I don't want your fucking excuses Shigure,"

Hatori sighed and walked over to the dog and rolled up his left sleeve without any objections, the one he had seen Haru holding. He undid the blood-stained bandages that stuck to his skin, slightly looser than they should be. But as soon as he saw the deep cuts and looked back up to Shigure, a look of utter and pure disgust crossed his face staying there until he looked at Shigure again.

"You fucking idiot,"

Shigure flinched at the comment, Hatori's expression slowly carving itself in his memory.

Quickly, quietly and unnoticed, Hatori retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom and properly dressed the wounds. Once he had done, he looked straight at Shigure's dark eyes, always hiding the truth apart from now. His eyes had so many conflicting emotions in them, it was doing something to Hatori. There was despair, hopelessness, relief, joy, gratitude, sorrow, pain.

A sudden flush of emotion came over Hatori. He couldn't even begin to understand what it was but, in the sudden heat of the moment, he raised his a hand and struck Shigure on his cheek.

Two shocked gasps then silence. Such dreadful silence. It hung heavy in the room, suffocating, blinding.

"You stupid, fucking mutt." Hatori whispered, his voice now unusually hoarse, trying to disguise the tremble. With that, he left, pausing in the doorway only to tell him to come downstairs for dinner, flicking the lights off and leaving.

For a while, Shigure just sat and stared into the darkness of his room, silent, empty, shocked, scared... Eventually, he picked himself off of the bed, and decided to go down as not to worry anyone.

*** Hatori's POV ***

 _That was.. unlike me, to say the least. I can't believe I actually hit him.._ Hatori thought to himself as he left the bedroom and made his way downstairs and towards the others.

 _But it did make me feel... I don't know... in control? Yeah, it made me feel... better..._

"Shigure-san said to eat without him," he said as he sat down. Everybody gave a prayer for the meal and tucked in.

 _I guess he kind of deserved it though, he did almost let Haru see them. I bet he won't be making that mistake again._ He gave himself a smug smile of satisfaction. _That will come in handy whoever I need to teach him a lesson or prove my point._

* * * Normal POV * * *

Shigure walked into the living room where he was greeted by he majority of people who were halfway through the meal.

 _Haa-san must have told them to start without me.._

He sat down and just as he was about to eat was stopped.

"Shigure!" Tohru screeched causing everyone to stop, "Your cheek! What happened!?" They were all now focusing on his left cheek that was flushed and now slightly blue, obviously starting to bruise. What can you say? Hatori was stronger than he realised.

"Oh... I-I uhm, walked into my bookshelf on the way down," he gave a nervous chuckle, trying to avoid eye contact with Hatori.

Nobody was completely convinced but Hatori just looked away.

"Shigure..." Yuki said, clearly concerned.

"Really! What else could've happened? I've been alone all day and I am an author, don't you think I would've come up with a less cliche and more believable excuse if I had something to hide?" He looked at everyone individually, daring them to question his writing skills and creative mind, trying to hide the fact that it was the only excuse he could think of in his panicked state.

"Well, okay," Yuki said.

Everybody else continued with their meal. However, Haru was getting angry. He knew it had to have been Hatori who hurt him, it couldn't have been anyone else.

Throughout the rest of the meal, Haru looked up only to glare at Hatori and occasionally comment in the conversation as to not seem too brooding.

Finally everyone finished. Tohru began clearing everything away as Hatori told Momiji and Haru to get in the car.

"Bye Tohru-kun! Bye Yuki-kun! Bye Kyo-kun! Bye Shigure-san!" With that, Momiji ran out of the door and headed towards the car.

"Bye," but before Haru left, he went over to Shigure and, much to everyone's surprise, hugged him.

"Bye Sensei," just before completely letting go, he squeezed Shigure's left arm harder than everyone thought in a seemingly ugly comforting gesture.

Well, it seemed like that to everyone but Hatori who glared both of them and Shigure whose eyes widened in sheer pain and pulled away, though, no one else seemed to notice that. Shigure, Hatori and Haru all looked at each other, tension rising.

"Bye," Hatori said, dragging Haru out of the door and slamming it shut behind them before anyone had a chance to cause a commotion.

Shigure went to his room clutching at his arm, Kyo to the roof and Yuki helped Tohru clean up.

Everything was seemingly calm once again in a house filled with deceit, pain and mystery.

 _ **Another Authors Note: Finally! Done! Voila! Hope you're happy! Next chapter might not be out for a while though because I want to work on the other ones... sorry... But I'm glad to take requests from you guys and speed up if I get motivation aha!**_


	5. I Don't Want To Fall Away

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket so let me get the hell on with it!**_

 _ **Hey guys, if you guys thought Hatori was mean before then check out this.. I hope you like where I'm going with this and approve of my little plot twist, that's the only way I'll continue writing it and not just stop updating completely and leave you guys in the dark and the only way for me to know you likely is for you guys to review, favourite and follow this! (I love reading your reviews). Plus, I had to research alcohol poisoning for this! It's true thay you can go into a coma and die if you drink too much but there'll be more specific stuff in the next chapter, whenever that will be... I updated this especially for DCKidWing13 and RainbowStarMountain ahaha.**_

 _ **Important!:**_

 _ **For the purpose of this story, the curse has already broken. Ayame has moved out of the main estate and lives in an apartment with Mine. Akito rejected Shigure and is happy with Kureno.**_

 _ **So, here you go! Enjoy! Or don't..**_

 _ **Warning of mild violence...**_

Another nightmare haunted Shigure's sleep, causing him to toss and turn, letting out small cries of anguish, heat flooding his body, and sweat trickling in a steady stream from his forehead plastering clumps of thick black hair to his forehead.

Little did he know that his cries did not go completely unnoticed as, at around 2 a.m. when Shigure was only halfway through his horror, Kyo awoke and went to get a cold glass (or two) of milk.

He went downstairs and drank without trouble but, on the way up, paused outside of Shigure's room, thinking he had heard something. He listened closely until his sensitive ears picked up the sound again. He opened the door quickly, not bothering to be neither quiet or considerate. He walked over to his cousin's bed, his footsteps echoing faintly on the floor boards in the silence of the night. Until that silence was interrupted by another small cry.

He looked down at the man in the bed, a mess of limbs intertwined in a duvet, sweat and what seemed like bandages. They were clean so he didn't take anymore notice of them. He was clearly distressed. Looking closer, he could see that he was tangled in the blanket in a way that made it look like he had just failed to kick them off, pillows lay strewn on the already messy floor and sweat flowed from his forehead, his breath coming in quick, rapid and uneven bursts.

"Shigure?" He nudged the dogs stomach only to have him whimper and turn onto his right side, his back now facing Kyo, his hands pawing at nothing and his legs trying in vain to escape from the confining heat of his duvet.

As Kyo tapped his shoulder, he moved closer to the wall until he hit his head. That in itself, knowing he had reached the end and had nowhere else to move only increased his struggle until he was continually hitting his head.

"Hey, Shigure, wake up!"

With no good response, Kyo thought fast, turned around and picked up a pillow. He moved towards his cousin and put it between his forehead and the wall. Looking closer he could see that Shigure's face was pale and stricken with panic. It finally came to him that he was having a nightmare and figured, the best thing to do was force him awake.

He firmly held onto Shigure's shoulders and shook them only to have the dog shout loud enough to wake the whole house up. He let go of his shoulders and listened for movement from Tohru's and Yuki's room. Hearing nothing, he looked back to the dog and watched as he rolled into his back and tried and failed at kicking the blanket off of his shaking form again. He was struggling and his limbs were only getting more tangled as he blindly flailed around.

Kyo just stood there, helplessly watching until a memory flooded into his mind

 _Kyo had only moved into Shigure's house a couple days ago and he was already hating it. He had to go to a mix-gender school, live with that damn rat and a guy he hardly knew apart from when he came round on new year's was his new "guardian". Yup, he was really hating it._

 _He sighed as he lay down in bed, waiting for the familiar yet, just as terrifying nightmare to take over his sleep. He'd been having nightmares ever since he first moved in as Kazuma thought it would be best for him to stay with Shigure for a while._

 _Oh well, what could he do?_

 _With that he fell into a tormented sleep_.

 _Shigure had just finished reading and decided to check on the kids before going to bed. Since they had moved in, he had changed slightly, he was a little more responsible and caring and a little less silly and childish._

 _First up was Yuki who was sound asleep, his face angelic for once and peaceful. Shigure smiled and softly closed the door on the way out._

 _Up next was Kyo. He opened the door to take a peek only to see Kyo rolling around on the bed and letting out helpless cries, as soft as any kitten._

 _"Kyo-kun..!" He exclaimed as he rushed over to the kitty and observed him closer. His troubled expression and restless sleep pointed to one conclusion: a nightmare._

 _Now, Shigure Sohma had had enough nightmares as a kid so he knew exactly how to help._

 _He crouched down and slowly started to hush the mewling kitten and tell him it was okay, he was with Shigure now, he was safe, Shigure wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt him. He stretched out his arm and ran his hand through Kyo's fiery hair, brushing it from his face. Kyo suddenly rolled onto his side allowing Shigure a beautifully clear view of his back. Without hesitation, Shigure's outstretched hand moved to the kitten's back as he started to rub it and whisper more calming words until Kyo had all but calmed down and his face was as serene as Yuki's._

 _Smiling, he stood up and left the room but not before whispering "Goodnight little Kyo-kun, sleep well,"_

Finally Kyo knew what to do. He crouched down at the side of the bed and started rubbing circular patterns into the dog's back which only led to his breathing hitching and more kicks.

Why wasn't it working?

"Shigure-san? It's okay, it's just me, Kyo. Just try to calm down.." Kyo encouraged, continuing to soothe his cousin until his face was no longer contorted with terror.

His legs were starting to burn from the crouching position he'd been in for a couple minutes but he could see what he was doing was working so he bit his lip and carried on.

"There, are you okay now?" Kyo asked after about 10 minutes, giving him a few more pats on the back before he stood much to his leg's relief and looked down at Shigure who was now softly snoring. Even in the darkness of the room his eyes could see that Shigure was still much paler than he should be but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment.

He walked towards the door stopping to whisper "Goodnight yah big dog, sleep well,"

He left and went back to his own room where he collapsed into a dreamless sleep.

***The Next Day***

In the morning, Shigure tried to act as normal as he could knowing that Kyo had been in his room last night. Though he hadn't actually seen him, he could've sworn he had heard Kyo's voice in his dream near the end, just before things had stopped being so terrifying plus, he was the dog, he had the sense of smell and he could smell a cat from a mile away.

Shigure's day was uneventful to say the most. The kids left for school and he worked on his manuscript and smoked, ignoring the desperate pleas for food from his poor stomach. However, this peaceful day would change by dinner...

It was a little past 7 in the evening. Tohru, Yuki, Kyo, Momiji and Haru were all setting the table for dinner, smiling and conversing as they did so.

With Shigure doing God-knows-what in his room, Hatori sat alone on the verandah halfway through his cigarette. His nerves were a little unsettled when he thoght about what he knew was going to happen.

He knew just what he had to do tonight in front of the kids, he knew he had to put a stop to Shigure's stupid antics before he went too far.

After tonight, there was no going back and no re-dos. It had to be perfect.

"Hatori-saaaaann!"

He heard Momiji yell from inside with that perfect sugary voice, sweet enough to give you diabetes.

He put out his smoke and tossed it into the ash tray Shigure and him used before walking inside.

"Could one of you get Shigure-san, please?" Tohru asked kindly.

"Sure Honda-san, but, could you do me a favour and go help Momiji clean up? I have no idea how he got that mud all over him and if he goes alone, he's just going to mess about."

"Of course! It's okay! Come on Momiji-kun!"

Momiji grabbed hold of Tohru's hand and they both left.

"I'll go get-"

"No. I need to talk to you about something Shigure can't be here for and, it's be best that Momiji and Tohru don't hear." Hatori said, cutting off Haru.

Nobody said a word. They just sat at the table and looked at him expectantly and a little confused.

"I'm not going to sugarcoat this in anyway, I'll be blunt."

They just started, anticipation building.

 _No going back now Hatori, it's now or never.._

"It's come to my atten-" before he could even finish the word, Ayame burst through the front door and into the room, grinning like the playful fool he ever seemingly oblivious to his surroundings.

"Yuki-kun! My dearest-"

"Ayame! Sit down!" Hatori roared, pushing Aya's outstretched arms to his side and pulling him to the floor.

Yuki shot Ayame an uncertain look as if to say he was confused as to what was going on too. Ayame quickly realised the atmosphere and was silent. Everyone was silent. Four pairs of eyes all focused on Hatori, waiting.

He took in a deep breath and looked at each member present.

"Like I said, I'll be blunt. Shigure is cutting himself."

Now this really got their attention. Yuki gasped, shocked at the sudden revelation while Kyo just stared, completely dumbfounded, even Haru lost his impassive demeanor for a moment and a shadow flittered across his face, his hands clenching into fists. Aya stared at Hatori too, but not in a shocked way, he was outraged, furious.

"He's also claiming he's depressed. But take no notice, as usual, he's only attention seeking,"

"Hatori!" Yuki squeaked, looking straight at the doctor intending to try to stand up for the poor dog. None of them doubted if what Hatori said was true, they were just so shocked at the way Hatori regarded Shigure...

"Yuki, listen, I've known Shigure since we were kids. I went to college with the idiot where he went through this same phase, if you ignore it, it will pass,"

 _But you didn't just ignore it in college did you? You did something so much worse..._ Ayame thought to himself as Hatori spoke.

"Now, as a doctor I know a depressed person to an attention seeker and Shigure is the latter. To go against my judgement is to go against me, not only as his doctor but, as his friend and his family. I'm sure you all want him to 'recover'. If that's your best interest then leave him alone otherwise, you will only make him worse."

Ayame was glaring at Hatori, visibly outraged by every word that left his mouth.

"But he-"

Kyo was cut off by Hatori.

"Listen he is a stupid, attention seeking, pathetic, annoying, good for nothing-"

"Stop!" Kyo slammed his fists onto the table. Everyone was looking from him to Hatori, still shocked from the news.

"If you interfere with him, everything will be so much worse. You will regret it." Hatori's voice was low and dangerous, it sent a chill down the cat's spine.

"Do not go against this and don't you dare breathe a word to Tohru or Momiji, I'm sure you wouldn't want them to worry like that." He looked everyone in the eye in turn before bowing his head.

"Someone go get the fool."

They were slightly uncomfortable about Hatori insulting Shigure like that but they decided not to say anything for now.

Yuki stood silently and left the room to retrieve the dog only to bump into him in the hallway. The rat gasped, realising that his cousin might've heard everything Hatori had just said and, judging by his flushed cheeks, crumpled expression and the tears streaming down his face, he did hear it..

"Shigure-san..." was all he could say. He was still reeling from everything he had learned and heard and seeing that Shigure knew that they all knew just left him in stunned silence.

"Shigure, I-" but before he could any words of comfort to his cousin, Hatori's words came flooding into his mind.

 _He is only attention seeking... To go against my judgement is to go against me... Leave him alone... You'll only make worse... Do not go against this..._

However, seeing Shigure so vulnerable and sad..

No, he knew what he had to do, he had to listen to Hatori on this one.

"Shigure,"

The dog looked up from the floor and stopped whimpering and wiped away his tears, looking somewhat hopeful as to what Yuki would say.

"Come and have dinner." He could see Shigure's face fall.

Instead of waiting for him, Yuki turned his back and went back to the living room, his footsteps feeling a thousand times heavier.

As he say at the table, he could feel everyone's gaze on him, even Hatori's.

"He'll be here soon but.." He hesitated.

"Go on" Hatori said.

"He heard evrything."

Kyo and Haru looked at him, unsured of what to think

"Yeah, he was just in the hallway, and he told me he heard." Yuki decided to say that instead of admitting to them that Shigure had been crying.

"It doesn't matter, at least now he knows you won't fall for his stupid act and he might snap out of it quicker."

Shigure walked in, his eyes sore and puffy and his face slightly red with embarrassment as he sat down at the end of the table next to Haru.

A few moment passed and Momiji walked in with Tohru trailing behind, both smiling widely.

"Look Haa-san! No more mud!"

"Gosh, that was hard to get out!" She said but she was still smiling in what you could say was relief.

The two greeted Shigure and everyone started eating. Conversation was short it was mainly only Tohru and Momiji speaking, everyone else wasn't in the best mood.

Eventually everyone was silent as they ate, the atmosphere heavy with a foreboding sense of dread which hushed even the happiest of spirits.

Tohru was in the kitchen with Yuki, cleaning the dishes as Haru and Momiji packed their schoolwork away and Hatori had a quick smoke. Kyo was on the roof and Shigure remained at the table, silent, unmoving. Nobody had said a word to him and nobody really dared to. Well, nobody but Tohru who asked if he was okay and Hatori.

He had just finished his smoke and needed to say one more thing to Shigure before he left.

"Shigure! Come here!" He yelled from the verandah.

Soon Shigure was standing in the doorway, the night air still and slightly humid, the bright moon casting ominous shadows.

"Come closer so I can see your face,"

Shigure walked over until he was standing in front of his older cousin. Hatori jumped up from his seat and wrapped his hands around Shigure's throat, squeezing slightly.

"You leave those kids alone, especially Momiji and Tohru," he warned in a deep throaty voice.

"Or you'll have me to answer to, do you understand?"

Shigure nodded as much as he could in the suffocating hold only to have Hatori add more pressure on his neck to a point where the dog couldn't breathe.

"I didn't hear you,"

As much as he tried, he couldn't say anything due to the fact that Hatori was squeezing so hard. He tried to breathe in but was restricted. He brought his arms from his side's and tried to pry Hatori off of him but, it was useless, Hatori was too strong.

His lungs screamed in vain for oxygen, his throat with white hot pain, even his eyes teared up, he was in agony. That's when, despite all the pain, he started to feel more distant, he was getting lightheaded. He dropped his hands and started to slump in Hatori's grip. He closed his eyes but, just as he was about to pass out, Hatori gave another painful squeeze and let go, allowing Shigure to fall to the floor and clutch at his throat.

Hatori could swear he heard the howling of wolves in the distance, he looked off into the trees seeing nothing but darkness.

"Hatori-san, we're ready to..." Haru trailed off as he saw Shigure panting on the floor, holding his throat.

He moved over to the cowering form on the floor but, before he could crouch down, Hatori shouted at him.

"Don't touch him!"

Haru was getting frustrated, a doctor unwilling to help someone in need or let someone else help that person?

"First you punched him and bruised his face and now what? What did you do to him?" Venom dripped from his voice, his black side pushing through.

"Nothing he didn't deserve" Hatori was now smirking, his eyes so full of malice, so unlike Hatori.

"Now get in the goddamn car."

Haru wasn't the obedient type but, even he knew not to mess with the doctor when he was angry and especially not if he's like this, malicious, spiteful, callous.

He looked down at Shigure and felt his heart sink at the pitiful sight. The fact that Hatori hurt him made his blood boil and vision go red but, he couldn't do anything about it just yet.

He turned and left along with Aya and Momiji. They sat in the car waiting.

"You're scum Shigure. Your mind is fucked up and so is your body and I'm the one who has to deal with that." He kicked the dog in the ribs harder than he should making him yelp and shake even more. And growl? Was that Shigure? It was a deep, throaty sound, something from a provoked dog or wolf. He looked down at the form on the floor and then into the distance where he could've sworn he had heard the sound of wolves howling...

Deciding not to stick around and find out who or what it came from, Hatori walked to the car and everything was quiet again.

Kyo had had enough of seeing Tohru slave away at cleaning and Yuki sit there and annoy him, he had decided to go to his room and try to study, much to their surprise.

Now, cats don't have the best sense of smell in the world but, it was good enough to pick up the unmistakable metallic tang of blood coming from Shigure's room as he walked past. He paused outside the door, taking another deep breath to double check the smell.

 _Yup, definitely blood.._

Raw panic rose up from his chest and his heart wrenched with apprehension. He was praying to Kami it wasn't what he thought.

Going against Hatori, he called out to the dog. Not getting a response, he twisted the doorknob and walked in.

His eyes widened as he switched on the lights and saw his older cousin sprawled out on the red stained bed. His arms lay limply by his side, leaking a steady stream of red onto the bed sheets. His eyes were closed and his face was frozen in an expression of screaming pain but, thank Kami his breathing was normal, if not, slightly shallower.

He closed the door and looked around the room, his eyes lingering on the object he was hoping to find. A discarded first aid kit.

Suppressing the blind panic to try to seem at least a little calm and like he knew what he was doing as not to worry Shigure when he opened his eyes, Kyo grabbed the first aid kit and walked over to the dog in the bed.

"Shigure?" He said, "Come with me to the bathroom," but even after understanding saying that made him sound like a little kid too scared to use the bathroom alone, he didn't care.

"I-is... is... Kyon-Kitty ... too scared... to go alone?" Shigure said wearily, struggling to even speak without taking great pauses to breathe in deeply. He was still laying completely still, and his eyes were still closed. If only Kyo could see the sadness and pain hidden deep behind the mask of once bright and sparkling eyes.

"Yes," Kyo replied. With extra care, the cat helped the dog sit up and took a moment to inspect the cuts.

He grimaced at the sight and not out of disgust, he did it because the wounds were bad. His left forearm harboured healing cuts, a few days old but, there were fresh ones on his wrist, a little too deep judging by the amout of blood pouring from them, not to worry about. The same cuts were on his right wrist but the forearm was clean, save for the pale scars that seemed years old, now covered in a thin layer of drying blood.

"Some day.."

"Shigure-san?"

"Eh? Nothing.."

"'Some day'?"

"Like I said... Kyon-Kitty... I mean nothing... by it.." He was panting now, the effort of talking apparent in his breathing and closed eyes.

Deciding to act now and talk later, Kyo slowly lead the dog to the bathroom, first aid kit in hand where he cleaned the fresh ones and did what he could to disinfect and bandage them up.

When he had cleaned up the mess and went back to Shigure's room, he sat his cousin in his desk chair while he changed the sheets in complete silence and finally lay the man down to rest before leaving,however, not to study anymore, he now had to plan out a serious conversation with Haru..

It was about 9 p.m. when Ayame burst through the front door for the second time that day.

"Just great! As if seeing you once today wasn't enough!" Yuki exclaimed as he walked into the hallway to see what the commotion was.

"Worry not my dear brother, for it is not you whom I've come for, it is but my dearest Gure-san!" He said, putting his hand to his forehead, sighing dramatically. "I really need my Gure-san." He put on a broad smile and gave his brother a suggestive wink.

"Eew..."

"Don't worry, it's not what you think... entirely. I'm taking him out for a drink. Oh, my lovely Shigure." His eyes went twinkle as if he was lovestruck.

"Ugh, fine, just try not to get him drunk, he's still our guardian.."

"Sure thing, sure you kids will be alright alone?" He asked a little more seriously.

"Yes, just leave."

With that, Shigure descended the stairs and gave them a weak, forced smile.

"I'll be back soon..." He said meekly before taking Ayame and leaving.

*** later that night ***

"Moshi moshi?" Yuki said as he put the phone to his ear.

"Guresanznhsptl..." someone mumbled down the line. Yuki would recognise the voice anywhere.

"What was that? Is that you again Aya?"

"Guresanznhsptl..." He mumbled again only a little louder this time.

"Aya, if you don't talk properly, I swear to Kami I'll-"

"GURE-SAN IS IN HOSPITAL!" He yelled.

Yuki winced at the volume, it was a little past one and he was already getting a headache. Then the realisation of the words hit him.

"Hospital?" He repeated.

"Yes, now please open the front door."

Yuki was a little stunned at how quickly his brother had gained composure he never knew the snake had.

"The front door..?" He echoed.

"Yes Yuki I'm outside."

"Oh, okay"

He put down the receiver and went to let in an unusually calm Aya, especially considering his best friend was in hospital.

They both went into the living room and sat down, Aya staring at the floor and Yuki staring at Aya.

"Well..?" Yuki said, beginning to really worry.

Aya regarded him and started to speak in quiet, hushed tones.

"Oh Kami... He has alcohol poisoning Yuki... He is seriously sick... He wouldn't wake up... In hospital, there were so many tubes, so much pain... broken wrist..." He sounded like he was on the verge of crying. "He's not waking up now, Yuki.. won't wake up.."

Yuki's breath caught in his throat at the seriousness of the situation and that fact that he saw a tear roll down his older brother's cheek. He didn't understand what was happening.

"What happened nii-san?"

"We got there, and we sat down. I was trying to get him to talk but all he did was look at me, frown and then order drinks. And he kept ordering them. And he drank them all, one after the other. I tried to stop him Yuki, I tried to make him stop when I realised that, even after he was completely drunk he wasn't willing to stop." There was a long pause as another tear slid down his cheek, his eyes covered by his long silver hair, then he continued his rushed and to the point explanation. "Believe it or not, Shigure is a pretty tolerant person, the most tolerant to alcohol I know. It takes quite a lot to get him drunk. He drank enough to get two of me drunk before he was drunk. And he just kept ordering and I couldn't stop him Yuki. After a while, the bartender realised that he was drinking every single drink he ordered and told him to stop too. He said no and tried to order more but she wouldn't serve him anymore which I was grateful for. Then he went into one of the dark corners and started dry-heaving. I went to get him water and when I came back he was gone. I looked around until I saw some commotion. I went over and there he was. Sitting next to an unconscious guy, looking up at me and holding his wrist. We got kicked out, apparently he had started a fight. When we were outside he kept complaing that he was in pain from his wrist.

"I kept asking him why he started a fight and then he just started fucking cursing at me and telling me to fuck off and so I did, I went back to my apartment. About two hours later I wake up and there's someone banging on the door. It's him of course. I let him in and he just collapses. He's cold and shaking and unconscious so, I put him on the futon and try to make him warm and he falls asleep but then he starts making this weird gargling sound as if he can't breath and I realise he's fucking choking on his vomit so I sit him up and get him a bucket and he just empties his stomach into it. He's shaking and convulsing while he's being sick and the stuff that came up.. it wasn't normal." He looked straight at Yuki, allowing another tear to slip down his cheek. "Fuck, Yuki, he starts shaking and he won't stop and he was hyperventialtiong, I didn't know what else to do.. This is more than just being drunk.. I get him to calm down and .. I roll up his sleeve.. And there are, uhm, well, you could tell he'd injected something... I instantly called the ambulance.

"And then the ambulance came and wouldn't let me see him and then I got to the hospital with him and they told me he was poisoned and they let me see him for a bit and he looked horrible and they told me that he could go into a coma because he'd drunk so goddamn much and they said a lot of doctor things that I didn't understand and they said he might go into a coma and he could die and I had to go and then I came here and oh Kani..." He was full on crying now. His best friend was in hospital. The person who had always stood by his side through thick and thin, good and bad was laying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines that had to breathe for him.

Yuki shuffled over and slung his arms around his brother, hugging him until the tears seemed to have subsided.

"Why did you even agree to to drinking with him?" Yuki's voiced wavered. In truth, he was terrified for Shigure's health as well and was anxious to see him.

"Yuki, the poor guy is going through a rough time and Hatori only makes it worse. He just needed to forget things for a night and drinking could do that. Plus, he's my best friend and has been there for me, even when he was going through his own things, how could I just turn him down?"

"Good point" Yuki mumbled as he looked at the floor.

"Hey, cheer up, we can go see him if you want?"

"Please"

With that, they got up and went to wake Tohru and Kyo.

 _ **Done! Voila! Took me ages! I hope you're happy! I updated the story just because I got reviews and follows and favourites aha. I'm definitely not updating this for a while now! (Tell me if and where I have made spelling or grammar mistakes and I'll fix it!). I have other ones to work on! But, the more reviews and follows and favourites, the quicker I update so, if you want to know what happens to Shigure, Hatori and everyone's reactions and what Shigure does (if he can do anything), then do those things (and I'm not even going to even consider updating this story until I have at least 7 reviews so...)Until next time guys, love youuuu.**_


	6. Walking On A Wire

You guys have no idea how happy I am to finally post this chapter! I was only able to do this in the end because I read the whole story over again and read your lovely reviews and suggestions! I've made sure to add some of those suggestions into my story for you guys aha. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it haha and, please review and give me lots of suggestions because I love them! And remember, no reviews, no chapters because I need to read those lovely words or I can't function! Now, on with the chapter that I made extra-long because I haven't posted in a while but, if you don't review I won't post at all... Enjoy! Or don't...

Disclaimer: Yeah, still don't own Fruits Basket...

WARNING: This chapter will talk about self-harm in a very harsh way, I don't believe or think like I've written it, these are just how I've portrayed Hatori's thoughts!

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Beep. Beep. Beep. Shigure Sohma awoke to the slow, constant beep of a heart monitor next to a bed, he soon realise wasn't his own. That was really the first thing he could realise. He had a futon, this was a western-style bed.

Where the hell am I..?

He exhaled and blinked, a physical attempt at trying to clear his mind and order his thoughts.

The ceiling is white... the ceilings in my house are not white...

Eventually he put two and two together and figured out that someone had brought him to a...

Hospital?

He turned his aching neck to the right, seeing light blue curtains trying in vain to hide the light from the window. There was a solitary, blue chair with plush looking pillows.

Looks comfortable...

To his left he saw the door, torturously offering an escape to him, knowing full well he couldn't leave yet. Apart from that, there was his IV drip supporting a half full bag of clear fluid, a heart monitor and another monitor he didn't quite grasp the meaning of.

Yup, a hospital...

His sensitive nostrils picked up the atrocious assault of disinfectant and what was probably bleach. He wrinkled his nose in distaste and irritation and closed his eyes. He couldn't really feel much of his body which was caused by the painkillers and sedatives he'd been given. It wasn't what he would call a "nice" feeling but, it was a comfortable change to both the physical and mental pain he'd been going through as of late. If only he could really enjoy this peace for now and sink back into an accepting oblivion but, he was in hospital for stupid injuries and knew he'd have to face consequences when people finally came in to speak to him. Just the thought of his possible punishment and scolding was enough to form a lump of emotion in his throat. With a sigh he swallowed it back down.

I can think about this stuff after another nap, right..? Probably not. Best to think positive, soon I'll be back home working on a manuscript and teasing Mit-chan like usual... I guess I can deal with everything else once-

He was snapped away from his thoughts when he heard a familiar voice.

"Will he be okay?"

Kyo..?

Shigure had picked up Kyo's voice from what was no further than a room or two away. His tired eyes flickered open as he tried to listen to the conversation.

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Hatori ignored Kyo's question and started listening to the doctor.

"He came in with a blood alcohol concentration of 353 milligrams per 100 millilitres which we had to treat immediately via gastric lavage. He has a mild concussion luckily, there was no hypothermia though, he may have minor breathing difficulties for the day. After his arrival, we took him for an X-Ray as he was complaining of a lot of pain from his wrist which was severely bruised. The results came back, his left wrist is fractured however, it seems to be a clean break so no surgery was needed but, as I'm sure you're aware it will take about 6-8 weeks to heal and, although he shouldn't be in much pain, we'll prescribe him with some painkillers upon discharge. We'd like to keep him in for observation to stay on the safe side if that's okay."

"I see... Yes, that's fine, it's about," he glanced down at his wrist to check the time on his watch. "2 a.m. now, we can pick him up at 8 o'clock in the evening."

"Yes, that would be okay."

"Can we see him now?"

"I shouldn't really let you in right now but... since it's you Hatori-san, I'll let you guys in for an hour, it shouldn't be a problem." He smiled warmly at them before walking away.

"Will he be okay?" Kyo repeated, hoping for a decent answer now that he was no longer about to talk to a nurse. He had figured out that Shigure had fractured (that's just a fancy word for broke, right?) his wrist and might feel sick (gastric is to do with the stomach, right?) but, he didn't quite understand the more complex terms and neither did Tohru nor Yuki.

Hatori looked at the three who (all but Kyo who had been pacing the short length of the waiting room) were sitting on the chairs in the small waiting room, staring at him bug-eyed and worried. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"The idiot is fine. He's got a tummy ache, a head ache and a cracked wrist. That's what he gets for being an idiot."

All but Yuki of the three flinched at the harsh comment towards their injured guardian. Instead, Yuki rolled his eyes as well and mumbled "idiot" under his breath, in the hopes that Hatori would notice and praise him later for agreeing with him.

They all heard the 'mumble' and, whilst Tohru and Kyo looked at him uncertainty, Hatori smiled.

"Uhm, can we see him now?" Tohru asked quietly.

"Sure." Hatori replied.

"Actually, I'd like to see him alone for a moment." And without waiting for a response, Kyo walked away.

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Zoning out after the two had started using more complex terms, Shigure was in the midst of trying to remember in vain what happened hours ago, when Kyo walked in. A small smile graced the dog's lips at the friendly face.

"You look like crap," Kyo said as he came to a stop at the right side of the bed.

"Aha thanks,"

"Want your diagnosis?" He asked casually, taking a seat in the small, comfy chair.

"Go on,"

"Well, like any other drunk bastard, they pumped your stomach because you'd drank a concerning amount. You're also pretty goddamn hungover which, should hurt like hell but, they gave you morphine because of your fractured wrist. You also have a mild concussion but, you'll be fine."

Shigure took a moment to take it in, his expression growing blank as he processed the information.

A tummy ache, sore head and a sore wrist. Not bad.

"Okay," the smile returned to his lips.

"Hatori-san said we could pick you up in the evening if you don't feel as bad as you look right now." Kyo said, trying to boost his cousin's spirits with the hope of escape however, even the mention of the dragon's name sent shivers down the dog's back.

Hatori-san..? Oh no... He's going to be so angry-

He's going to hurt me-

How bad will it be-?

No, please...

Please don't hurt me-!

Nobody will hear me if it gets too bad-

I almost blacked out last time..

No, oh Kami-!

Apparently some of the dog's jumbled thoughts had escaped his lips and travelled to the cat's sensitive ears. That, along with the dog's distressed expression was enough for Kyo to melt a bit and offer him comfort.

"Shigure?" He said, reaching out and resting his hand on Shigure's. "Hey, listen, it's going to be okay. I know Hatori-san doesn't play nice with you, I want to help, okay? I want to protect you."

At that, Shigure's eyes shone with appreciation and gratitude. Only after a moment did Kyo realise it had changed to horror and fear.

"Shigure? What is it?" When he didn't get an answer, he followed his cousin's gaze towards the door where an angry Hatori stood.

"Step away from him!" Hatori roared.

The fierce tone was more than enough to make Kyo involuntarily stand and move away.

"Good," Hatori said, walking over to the opposite side of the cat. "Now get out! None of this concerns you! Be obedient like Yuki!" Hatori was blatantly angry about Kyo's compassion towards the mutt, unwilling to accept the fact that Kyo wouldn't be manipulated.

Kyo gulped and for a moment considered bowing his head and walking away however, after looking at the poor, pitiful sight on the bed, couldn't find it in his heart to abandon him.

Instead of directly speaking and going against Hatori, Kyo sat back down with as defiant and determined expression he could muster.

"Kyo, Shigure is a piece of shit, just take a look at him. He's absolutely worthless and pathetic and deserves to be punished." Hatori had lowered his voice and was trying to speak with some patience and calmness to try and convince the stubborn cat.

"I am looking at him, I see pain and fear..." Kyo said slowly. "And who are you to decide who deserves to be punished? God?"

"Don't argue with this Kyo."

The cat was back on his feet in rage. "I will argue with this! It's fucking bullshit! You can't brainwash them forever! At some point they're going to-"

"Realise that what I say is-"

"Bullshit!"

And so started a full-on argument. Hatori had stormed across to Kyo, backing him away from the bed and towards the curtain-covered window on the other side of the room and they shouted in each other's faces in a fit of blind fury, each preaching opposite points. That we're so engulfed in their argument, they didn't realise what was happening to the form on the bed.

As the two continued to shout, each word overlapping on the other's until it was all incoherent babble, Shigure sat on the bed, helplessly watching. He had started shaking and hyperventilating. Tears poured from his eyes leaving streaks from a salty flow down too-pale cheeks.

"Please stop..." the weak whisper was lost in their strong words, nothing compared to the passion in which they spoke.

What if things get violent?

Kyo could get hurt!

If Hatori did something that-

He wouldn't-

Please stop!

He desperately tried to put his hand out and reach out to Kyo to no avail. His vision was blurring and he was starting to feel dizzy.

Please stop!

He was mentally screaming yet, not a single word could escape from his lips. In a blind panic, he shot his arm out and swiped it across the bedside table causing cards to flutter to the floor and a glass vase to crash and break, leaking out water and dying roses.

For a moment, everything paused.

Kyo and Hatori stopped speaking and moving to look at the shattered vase and the mess, then look to Shigure. The heart monitor and background noise was blocked out from shock and their brains had paused, no thoughts being able to form.

Then everything started again.

The heart monitor was screaming and so was Shigure. Though his cast protected most of his arm from the impact, he was still bleeding and panicking. He was just lying in the bed, thrashing around, shouting, crying, hyperventilating. All the while, all Hatori and Kyo could do was stare.

Nurses came rushing in, trying in vain to calm him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" The dog screeched, continuing to flail his limbs in an attempt to escape from the imprisoning arms trapping him down.

One of the nurses finally disconnected from the patient long enough to realised the presence of the dragon and the cat, and all but kicked them out but, not before Kyo saw them strap him down and inject him with something.

When Kyo and Hatori found their way back to the waiting room where Tohru, Yuki and Haru were all looking at the pair expectantly. Haru was first to speak.

"What the he'll happened in there!? We were all outside of the room and could hear something smash and Sensei freak out!"

"Who cares?" Yuki replied.

That earned one hell of a death glare from Haru.

"What the fuck Yuki! He's your cousin! He-"

"Listen, I don't care. He's an attention-seeker and..." Yuki looked to Hatori who was smirking. That was enough to boost his confidence. "And he deserves everything he gets."

"Yuki is right," Hatori commented. "And none of you have to put up with it. Now, I'm taking you all home. Don't worry, you can sleep in for a while but, you'll be in school by lunch, got it?"

"Yeah, thanks, I'll wait in the car." And with that, Yuki walked off.

"You cannot be serious! I want to see him!" Haru yelled.

"No. The nurses have given him heavy sedatives, he'll be sleeping for a while, shame it's not forever... Oh well, if you're that desperate to see the mutt, you can come back with me in the evening to pick him up."

Knowing he wouldn't get a better deal, he nodded and walked away with a shocked but silent Tohru and a fuming Kyo.

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It was close to the end of lunch and Kyo and Haru sat on the roof, anxiously waiting for the bell to ring. The wind blew ferociously, rustling their hair and blowing the colourful strands in the face. They had decided that they would skip the last two lessons of the day and instead visit Shigure at the hospital before Hatori was there to intimidate the dog. The two were both anxious and restless, worried beyond comprehension about their guardian and the situation in general. They wanted him out of the hospital and back home where he could feel more at peace, as quickly as possible. They just wanted to protect him from everything and anything that Hatori and anyone else would throw at him but, not actually knowing what was causing the problem was the thing that got to them most. Since the discovery of his self-harm, they hadn't had one good chance to just sit down and talk to him which was one of their first priorities, they couldn't do much without understanding what was going on.

"Do you think he'd actually tell us?" Haru asked, looking over to the back of Kyo's head.

"I dunno, you know how stubborn and difficult he is.. But I guess that this is something serious and important so, he wouldn't be that annoying about it." He replied, throwing the words over his shoulder as he continued to lean against the railing, looking over the edge and at the smiling highschoolers, eating their lunch and chatting, the happy voices belonging to only those that had never known true pain, drifting up to his ears. He would usually never admit it but, he really was worried about their cousin's condition. Maybe Haru was the one person he could talk about his worries with..?

"I'm worried about him Kyo, I know Hatori-san doesn't want us to care for him but, I do. Sensei isn't well physically and mentally and Hatori is only making it worse..." The ox said, staring down and his scuffed shoes. Haru really was just as worried as Kyo. He owed him a lot for the things that Shigure had done for Haru.

Kyo, shocked that Haru had so easily voiced his concerns, turned around to face his slightly younger cousin. "Yeah, I know what you mean, I'm worried too, if things carry on like this, Shigure-san might go crazy and attack someone or become seriously ill like my mum was..."

"What do you mean..?" Haru was frowning, trying to understand Kyo's words. Sure, he'd heard all the rumours about his mum and her mysterious death and how Kyo was supposedly to blame but, rumors are only so reliable. He'd never actually heard about the condition of his mum prior her death and was really quite confused.

Taking in a deep breath, Kyo turned back to face the view over the railing and closed his eyes, willing himself to keep a steady voice throughout what he was going to say. "She wasn't a happy woman." Good start... "She couldn't handle all of the sadness and stress she had to deal with and she became sick; mentally and physically. She would constantly come down with fevers, headaches and stomachaches. She would get back and muscle pains all of the time and would just throw up from feeling so sick. And that's just what I can remember... On the mentality side, she wouldn't sleep. She could hardly close her eyes and, when she could manage it, she had nightmares and night terrors. She would have some kind of panic attack whenever things were too bad, start screaming and crying randomly then just break down in my father's arm. She would do that a lot and when she tried to reach to me for comfort, my dad would snap and push me away from her, scream at me which only made her worse. Like I said, she wasn't a happy woman at all." Kyo could feel the tears forming in the corners of his eyes but, he fiercely blinked them back, willing himself not to cry.

Haru stood quietly and walked over to Kyo, not quite knowing what to do. He knew he had purposely left out the part about her death and the cause so, didn't say a word about it. In fact, he didn't say a word at all. He just walked over to Kyo and put his arm around him in silent comfort. He felt Kyo shaking slightly under his hold but still, didn't utter a word. "I don't want to see Shigure go through the same thing..." He said, his voice cracking with the weight of his emotion. Haru held him tighter, feeling his own rush of emotion flood through him and threaten to drag him down. They stood there together, holding each other closely as they both tried to calm down.

It was only five minutes after the bell had gone that Haru spoke. "Let's go now Kyo-kun."

With a nod of his head, Kyo followed Haru through the door and down the stairs, wiping at his slightly red and puffy eyes.


	7. Inside My Quiet Hell

_**Sorry about the code!**_

* * *

"Haru and Kyo Sohma? How are you related to Shigure-san?" The receptionist asked. She had a fresh young face and a smile too bright to match their moods.

"We're his cousin's but, that's the closest family he has. He's an only child and his parents aren't in the area."

The nurse looked at the both of them uncertainty, her smile faltering slightly as she checked his records but, smiling once again as she found the details and gave them directions to his room.

The duo walked in silence, both lost in their own train of thought until they reached the room they were looking for to see a nurse reading from a clipboard. It was the same one as yesterday so, they figured they might as well ask her as she probably knew the most.

"So, will you tell us what happened earlier?" Kyo asked, cleary already impatient from all of his worry.

"I'd like to ask you the same thing, you were in there when he started reacting." The nurse wore a more serious and concerned expression than one of anger. "Don't worry, I'm not mad, we just need to know what caused him to do that so we can help." The kindness in her voice was unmistakably sincere.

Both of them looked at Kyo expectantly.

"Me and Hatori-san were arguing with each other in front of him, we might've gotten a little loud but, that was all, we didn't touch him or hit each other."

"So, you weren't talking to him? Just arguing with each other loudly? Did he try to stop you, did you see him do anything before what happened?"

"Uhm, I think he tried to say something to stop us but, I couldn't really hear him. He did start crying and shaking a bit before he knocked the vase over though."

"Okay, I see... Well, to answer your question, we're still not completely sure what happened, there are many possibilities but, we've checked him over and there are no abnormalities or anything to worry about so, it could be just been a reaction to your arguing. We did have to fully sedate him to get him to stop so we could stabilise him and stitch his cuts."

Both of the boys visibly paled.

"The self-self-inflicted ones..?" Haru asked, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Yes, some of them re-opened due to the sudden impact however, they were successfully treated. When he wakes up, we'd like him to speak to out on-call psychiatrist."

"Oh, so he's still unconscious?"

"Yes."

Both of the boys felt their spirits and hopes fall. They'd run all the way from school, skipping last period in the hopes of being able to see the dog.

"Well, we'll be back later to pick him up with Hatori-san, do us a favour and don't tell Hatori-san we visited."

The boys ran out of the room and down the hall, leaving the nurse standing there alone, frowning at the possible reasons she suspected were motivating the boy's request.

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It was a little past eight in the evening that day. Haru and Kyo sat quietly in the waiting room as Hatori talked to the doctor outside. Kyo was a little more than tired, this was the third time he'd been in the hospital in the past twenty-four hours and the smell of disinfectant and bleach along with the snarky nurses and the sight of the sick patients was starting to get to him. He just wanted to get Shigure and leave this place for good.

The same went for Haru. He sat their, swinging his legs a little and biting his bottom lip in anxiety as he thought about what Kyo had said earlier. He didn't want Sensei to end up like that either and the thought of him becoming so sick made Haru's stomach drop.

They were both thinking up the worst scenarios their young imaginations could conjure up when Hatori walked in, wearing an irritated expression.

"The mutt had the nerve to start vomiting his stomach's contents and now they're worried about the extent of his concussion and won't discharge him until tomorrow at the earliest. I'm afraid this was a massive waste of time, we'll just get him tomorrow, let's go." With that, he turned on his heels and reached for the door handle, only pausing when Haru called out for him to stop. "What?" He replied.

"Can we go see him?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed, not wanting to punish the children by not allowing them to see someone they cared for but, at the same time, not wanting them to see someone so pathetic and vulgar. He reached a decision that would not only help his lack of nicotine but, the children too and spoke before walking away. "You have until I finish my cigarette..."

"C'mon Haru, let's go."

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"What are you two doing here?" Although he was surprised at the presence of the two boys, a small, sincere smile graced his lips.

"Just dropping by," replied Kyo as he fell backwards in the plush chair he had been sitting in earlier. "Thought you could do with a few friendly faces." He added, shrugging but trying in vain to hide his own broad, youthful smile as he gently placed his hand on his cousin's injure one, oferring the comfort he failed to give earlier.

"Hah, we'll, thank you, I appreciate it," Shigure then looked to Haru who, hadn't spoken a word since walking in.

The ox had instead examined his cousin's body, taking in his ashen complexion, shallow breathing and the way his arms lay simply by his side, one covered in a cast and bandages that picked up where the cast stopped, the other wrapped from knuckles to elbow in clean, white bandages.

"Haru?" Shigure said, offering him his smile when he finally snapped out of his trance and his gaze fell to the dog's face, as young and fresh as it was a year ago but, his eyes noticeably filled with pain and sadness that could possibly be the end of him if Kyo's earlier words were anything to go by.

"Yeah?" He had been waiting all day and most of the previous night to see and talk to him yet, now that he was here, he was at a loss for words almost like his mind was trapped in an overwhelming amount of heavy clouds.

"How was your day?"

The stimulus of conversation was slowly lifting the fog from his mind. "Fine. How are-?" He was cut off at the sound of the dog yelping and retracting his right arm from where Haru had put his hand on his.

Haru's eyes widened slightly at the reaction and, turning to look to Kyo, he could see the cat was equally as taken aback, wearing the same expression. They both looked at Shigure silently before Kyo spoke up.

"Uhm... you okay..?"

Their older cousin had lay back down, his broken arm on his stomach with the one Haru had touched cradling it. His breathing was shaky and he didn't reply.

"Sensei?" They were both starting to worry. "What's wrong?"

Finally, their older cousin opened his eyes that were glistening with tears. Truth be told, he was far from okay, he had to deal with a lot at that moment and Haru had touched a particularly painful bruise he had gotten from Hatori that was hidden behind the layers of crisp, white bandages. Just the sensation of someone touching an injury he had gotten from someone he feared was enough for that fear to bubble in his stomach and threaten to escape through his mouth in the form of a scream that he could barely hold back. All he could do at that moment was replay the memory of Hatori giving him that particularly bad bruise and it struck fear into his heart.

"I'm... I'm okay..." He mumbled, blinking back the tears. "Its just a little hard dealing with Hatori all of the time and you touched a bad bruise. H-he scares me..."

It took most of Kyo's strength and will to stop him from suddenly jumping up and pulling Shigure into a hug that would probably only hurt him more. Instead, he took Shigure's hand in his once again, squeezing ever so slightly for reassurance, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Haru had a much greater lack of self control and could feel his anger bubbling up under the surface. He was furious that Hatori had the power to terrify the dog like that, it angered and disgusted him to no end.

"That piece of-"

"Time to go." Hatori had walked in and was standing in the doorway with an impassive expression. "I finished my cigarette."

"Can't we just-"

"No, we're going."

"Please!" Kyo begged, standing up and looking straight at Hatori, barely registering the way Shigure's grip had weakly tightened around his fingers before he had pulled away.

"No."

"Fine... Shigure, I'll see you later." With that, he stormed off, mumbling a few incoherent phrases Hatori could only assume were curses.

"You too." His gaze was fixed on Haru who was standing beside Shigure's bed with stony-cold eyes masking the fire that rage below.

"Fine but, not before you do; I don't trust you alone with him." Haru said, looking from him to Shigure who had not spoken a word since Hatori's arrival, instead opting to sink deeper into the bed and rest his hands on his stomach.

"Smart kid. But get out or you'll have more to worry about than what I did to the mutt in a monitored hospital room in a couple of seconds." His smile was cold and amused at Haru display of protection, really more of a smirk sending shivers down the ox's spine.

Don't leave me with him! Shigure screamed on the inside, trembling in fear, only a whimper reaching his lips.

"I'll wait in the hall, goodbye Sensei, I'll see you really soon" he slowly walked to the door and left, Hatori then closing it fully before walking over to the dog. He stood there and stared down at him silently which unnerved Shigure to no end. "Either drink enough to fall into a coma and die or don't drink at all, mutt." And with that, Hatori left the room and walked out of the building and into the cool night, the wind tossing his hair around. With a fuming Haru trailing behind, Hatori made his way to his car where Kyo was sitting and drove off, into the night.

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Back At Shigure's House While Hatori, Kyo And Haru Where At The Hospital

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Tohru never felt awkward around any member of the Junishi, especially not the three member she lived with. Not once since they had all met had she ever felt anything that even slightly resembled awkwardness and she'd definitely never wished to be somewhere else whilst being around them but, tonight was different. Tonight was an exception.

Tohru loved every member of the the Junishi, being particularly close with the three she lived with. Not once since they had all met had her love and appreciation ever faltered and she'd done everything she could to show that and tonight was no different. Tonight was no exception.

Really, it was those two separate feelings that caused her the stress and frustration she felt at that moment. She loved Shigure very much after all, he'd done so much for her in such a short time, she found it hard to believe someone could be so kind. Even if Kyo and Yuki would say he had ulterior motives for it, she would just laugh it off. The fact that Yuki was being so... so... so horrible to Shigure was really upsetting her. He was making it obvious that he didn't care for Shigure whatsoever and that was what made it awkward between the two as they sat down for dinner that night. She wanted to voice her worries to Yuki and be reassured about the health of their guardian but, at the same time she knew that she couldn't bring it up. She wanted so badly to have a conversation with Yuki but, the fact that he was so against Shigure and was oblivious to the pain he was going through and wouldn't even listen when someone tried to reason with him was really frustrating her.

Maybe if I try once more he'll realise? Don't they say that persistence is key? But I wouldn't want to annoy him or, even worse, upset him! That's right, I haven't thought about his individual feelings... Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! She was mentally face-palming at the thought of being so ignorant towards Yuki.

But Shigure-san is in pain and a lot of people are hurting him for no reason. Well they may have a reason but, you can't justify doing this to him! What was I thinking about again..? Oh, right, maybe if I just give Yuki-kun a little nudge he'll see what I'm trying to say?

Tohru looked up from her bowl of food and set her chopsticks down for a moment, looking straight across at Yuki and offering a meek smile when he finally noticed her gaze and looked up himself. "Yuki-kun, I know you may not see how-to-eye with Shigure-san but, I feel like the way you treat him is... not very nice," she said quickly and quietly, bowing her head as to not let him see her flushed face. "I would be very much appreciate if you would consider being a little kinder to him as he's having a bad time..." her voice was strangled as if she was breaking apart from speaking out so directly to him.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! That sounded excruciatingly rude! How could you walk into his home and tell him how to behave and interact!?

"I'm so sorry Yuki-kun, I don't know wha-"

She was cut of mid-sentence by Yuki's low and serious words. "Listen Honda-kun, Shigure 's no good for any of us, he's the poison of this family. Have you seen his arms first-hand? They're absolutely disgusting, I don't know how anyone could willingly do that to themselves. He doesn't do it because it makes him feel better, he does it for the attention and because we all saw through that, he kicked it up a notch and put himself in hospital. Don't take pity on him Honda-san, you're wasting your breath, he's a parasite."

She looked up from the table in shock, "I disag-"

"Delicious food Honda-san." Yuki said, ending the conversation before it became too heated and turned into an argument. He didn't want to waste his breath arguing about the mutt, he was too tired and hungry.

Tohru sighed and picked her chopsticks back up, looking down at her food, suddenly feeling a lot less hungry. "Thank you."

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The Next Day, Around 3 pm

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Hatori had just reached the hospital to collect Shigure while the kids where at school, not to return home until 4 pm.

Things the night before had been tense, to say the least. It seemed as if they had spilt into two sides, one for, Shigure, the other against with Haru and Kyo on the supporting team and Yuki and Hatori on the opposing side. Which left Tohru. Poor, poor Tohru, not wanting to be on either side in fear of what the other side would say. Of course nobody had established this, nobody spoke a word of it but, this was something you could understand without spoken or written words.

"Ah! Hatori-san!"

"Good afternoon, Kuroshi-san. I'm here to collect Shigure Sohma." He said to the nurse waiting outside of said patient's room.

"Right, of course! He's ready to be discharged,"

"Okay, thank you, any prescriptions?"

"Yup! But just some light painkillers for his wrist, you can always come back for some stronger ones if those ones are no use haha. I'll go get them while you get Sohma-san!"

"Thank you."

The doctor called Kuroshi-san skipped away to collect the prescription leaving the Dragon alone with the Dog.

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Knock. Knock. Knock.

Shigure was hesitant to reply to the slow, hard knocks on his hospital room door. He knew it couldn't be any of the kids as they were at school and wouldn't finish for and hour or so, even if it didn't stop two of them before, they wouldn't have knocked. The doctors and nurses would've just walked in too so, that only left him with a limited amount of plausible people and, of all of them, only one face stood out.

Another few sharp knocks sounded in his ears and he had no choice but to reply.

"Come in..." He said, trying to cover up the slight wobble in his voice.

Hatori walked in, an almost impassive expression plastered on his face if it wasn't for the furrowed eyebrows that suggested annoyance.

"Get ready." He snapped, looking towards Shigure and glowering. He was feeling rather impatient, today in particular. He had had to drive for hours the night before and report to Akito-san on Shigure's condition. Now that her facade had dropped, she had become a lot more compassionate and less intimidating. Hatori had found it easy to have the quick chat with her and then leave but, he couldn't help feeling even more irritated than he already was at the way her expression had changed to one of deep concern.

"I am..." Shigure replied meekly. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with both legs hanging off, wearing one of his favourite kimonos Kyo had brought for him. His few possessions had been packed in a small black duffel bag and his coat lay on the bed next to him.

"Then why are you fucking sitting there like we have all day to waste?" Hatori really was never this impatient and irritable and certainly never used language like that regularly, even with Shigure but, like I said, he was really not having a good day.

"I'm sorry, I was just waiting for you,"

Hatori took a deep breath before replying. "Just get up and out of here, sit in the chairs outside while I get your prescription and sign the discharge form."

"Yes." He stood up and threw the bag over his left shoulder before making his way outside and towards the waiting room chairs, feeling nervous at the awaiting car drive home with Hatori alone.

Ten minutes later, they were sitting in Hatori's car on their way to Shigure's house. For the most part of their journey, they were both silent which only helped to make Shigure feel even more uneasy than he had prior getting in. All he could do was think about the possible things that his older cousin could be planning as he was left alone with his thoughts. He took occasional glances to his left, taking the chances to look a t Hatori as much as he could without being caught. Each time he risked a peek, he could see that Hatori was in deep thought, looking angry, irritated and above all, exhausted.

Is he getting enough sleep..? Doesn't look like it, he has bags big enough to carry a week's worth of shopping under his eyes... Maybe now that I'm out of hospital he can catch up on sleep?

Pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind, he finally decided to speak and say what needed to be said. "Hatori-san? Uhm, could I please take some painkillers? My wrist is hurting..."

"When we get to yours."

If he didn't suspect something was wrong, Shigure did now. Hatori hadn't said anything mean or made a snarky comment, just agreed to give them to him with no catch. There was no way Shigure couldn't worry now. Not to be cynical but, Shigure knew Hatori hated him and wanted to bring him pain from the way he so easily wrapped his hand around his throat and bruised him, threatening worse each time. For the rest of the journey a mixture of fear and anxiety built inside of him as the word Danger! Danger! echoed throughout his mind.


	8. Why Do I Try, I Know I'm Gonna Fall Down

_**Can I start by saying thank you to every single person who has reviewed, favourited and followed this story so far, it mean so much to me! You guys are the reason I'm writing this so I'm so happy to see you've all enjoyed it up to this point! I want you guys to know that I'm developing my plot however, the next few chapters are going to be a bit domesticated and show the new and awkward family life they now have. As you can see, I edited chapter 6 into two separate chapters because I just didn't like the length of it...**_

 _ **But yah, I hope that you review this and follow and favourite and support me like you all already have as I continue to write this and hopefully my actual writing is improving to make this better for you all!**_

Being released from a hospital after an emergency stay should be many things: relieving and comforting and anything but something that causes a deep-rooted fear to bloom inside of your chest and make it hard for you to breathe like Shigure was currently experiencing. Presently, he was sitting before Hatori, suppressed by his presence and reduced to timidly sipping at a mug of tea in patience and a kind of dreadful expectation. Although he had asked for his medication several times since they'd arrived, all the older male had said in reply was 'Go and make some tea.' and that had been the end of it. But not really. Because pain was still crawling along Shigure's bandaged arm, crackling through his veins and skin like an electric current, agonisingly slow and unbearable.

His deep brown eyes momentarily lifted from the dark wooden table to sweep over Hatori's face. He hadn't lost his touch. His gaze was still as sharp and analytical as ever, even if the colour that used to shine with hidden intelligence had slightly dulled. From what he saw, his cousin was relaxed, albeit somewhat irked from just being in his presence.

The room was warm and comfortable making it easier for his mind to relax and enjoy his return to him home. A smile tugged at his lips when he realised that the kids would be home soon maybe an hour if they came straight home instead of idly hanging about the school. But they were good kids, he had nothing to worry about and so revelled in the peace his thoughts were offering, a peace treaty to the turmoil he'd been barrelling through as of late. There weren't many times he'd allowed himself to unwind in Hatori's presence since the start of the problems, but the fear of his older cousin seemed to all but fade as he gripped the warm mug and sipped at the sweet liquid that soothed his stomach. The only thing that was ruining the moment was the steady throb of pain fluctuating from his wrist.

He let his eyes flutter shut.

Deep breath. Exhale. Deep breath. Exhale.

His eyes flashed open as did his mouth. "Hatori, may I please have my medication?" He tried.

His eyes raised in determination faltered and dropped as he was pinned under Hatori's authoritative look, one that wasn't to be challenged. He didn't speak a word, he didn't need to, his look said it all. Shigure wasn't getting his painkillers anytime soon. He couldn't say it was disappointing, not after he'd been expecting it; but it certainly was frustrating. It made a soft anger and sadness bubble and threaten tears that he furiously blinked away.

Trying to appeal to Hatori was useless. And yet, as Hatori stood and walked towards the door, a piece of Shigure dared to hope that his timid words would somehow get through to his older cousin's understanding nature.

Hatori was shrugging on his coat over a neatly pressed brown suit, careful not to ruffle his appearance. The air was becoming lighter, liberated from the heat of the summer and the promise of reprimand towards the agonising heatwaves that had once subdued the beauty of winter. Hatori was momentarily occupied with the thought of what winter was sure to carry.

"Hatori..?"

His gaze snapped towards Shigure's own. His eyes had become cold and sharp from the frenzied terror of his emotions, hateful and obnoxious with his lack of understanding.

"You will not get the medication simply because you do not deserve it." He stated, turning from the crest-fallen face and towards the biting chill of late Autumn.

Walking across the frosted grass, he couldn't help but allow his mind to wander to the despairing release of a frozen winter and the blossoming beauty of what was to come after the snow had melted.


	9. Take My Mind And Take My Pain (edited)

**Haha! Sorry for the short chapter (my ideal chapter length will be from 2,500 - 3,500 words), I was just a bit stuck on where to start as I haven't written for this story in a while but, don't worry, I think I'm getting my flow back! But I don't know what you guys think of my writing or if you like where the story is going because I'm getting stuck since I haven't read Fruits Basket in a while… Fear not, I'm going to re-read it and get my inspiration back! And thank you for all of the follows, favourites and reviews, I appreciate it so much! :)**

 **James Birdsong - Thank you! I'm trying to improve the way I actually write so I hope it gets better (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

 **DCKidWing13 - I have actually planned a scene that's coming up in the next chapter somewhere along those lines haha so stick around and find out :O (p.s. I think it would be interesting actually because, she'd want to offer Shigure all the help he needed, yet she wouldn't want to actually go against what Hatori orders... Does her care for the one who took her in trump the respect and kind-of-obedience she feels towards Hatori?)**

* * *

Only an hour later, Tohru, Kyo and Yuki steps into the house, though not quite as Shigure had earlier expected. On any other day, the trio would stroll in leisurely, laughing and chattering. Except today they are silent, save for them calling out that they've arrived home and the single pair of footsteps that thud up the stairs while two others make there way deeper into the house.

Kyo walks into the living room, his bag hanging from his shoulder before he drops it to the ground and rolls away the ache that settled into his shoulder from the weight of his school supplies and books. His look of annoyance quickly gives way to one of surprise as he spots his older cousin laying on the sofa, a bandaged arm laying idly on his stomach. His lips part as if he's about to say something, though no words leave his mouth as there are none to be found in his head so he just takes a moment to appreciate the peaceful hum of Shigure's snores, and watch his face that's content with the lack of a spiteful nightmare. His face is pale, though not contorted with the ugliness of fear that warps and ages his features in a way that steals his recognition of who Shigure is. That's enough he thinks to himself.

Tohru walks into the room, though seeing Kyo stand there motionlessly makes some cog in her mind pause send some signal that makes her say "Kyo?" in that sweet little concerned voice that lilts with each syllable only to fall silent as she follows his line of sight to the sleeping figure on the sofa. She smiles, her worry forgotten in her new-found joy at finally having Shigure home. Seeing his peaceful face as opposed to one of pain and sorrow somewhat lightens the weight pressing down onto her heart.

"We should let him rest some more," She whispers, moving back towards the door with a silent Kyo following behind her, because she knows that both of them would happily stand there watching him without a thought. "And if he's not awake by dinner, you can wake him up, he need to eat after all." She adds as she trails up the stairs.

"Right..." Kyo mumbles, dragging his feet up the stairs and into his own room.

He slumps back on his bed with closed eyes and allows the soft mattress to bear his weight and the pillows to absorb his tension. He lets out this long long sigh that cleanses out the bad air trapped in the depths of his lungs and orders himself to breath, just breathe, until he's calm enough to open his eyes. There's a kind of numbness that starts to seep into him, and he finds himself staring up at the plain white ceiling that looks as drab and muted as he feels. The blank surface is a canvas he paints his thoughts onto, allows him to analyses them clearly, sift through them and file them accordingly. It works. He lays there and watches his thoughts stare back down at him from the ceiling, taunting and mocking until he has no choice but to close his eyes as to not scream out to the silence. He keeps his thoughts in his head, a storage space that has recently added a sepia lens to the words and images that are processed through. Shigure is home. Sad, but home; hurt, but home and that has to be good enough. Now he had enough opportunities to talk to him and talking seemed like the most logical thing to do, only God knew how long he'd be able to burden the thoughts pressing down on his brain before he snapped. And so he plucked the phone from his pocket, reluctantly opening his eyes for the briefest moments it took to message Haru.

* * *

Haru had arrived just before dinner much to Kyo's delight. They had planned to wake Shigure, eat and then talk if everything went smoothly. Hearing the doorbell, Kyo went downstairs to greet his cousin just as Tohru had called Yuki down to join them for dinner.

"Kyo-kun, I think it'd be best to go wake Shigure-san now, who knows when he last ate," Tohru had said, and it made his own heart ache, the way her voice was as cheerful as ever, despite knowing she had a good idea of the troubles that plagued him, the idea that maybe he was deliberately avoiding eating. He offered her a smile, something that would hopefully reassure her, show her that things would be okay when he couldn't find it in himself to actually speak the words or believe the hope he was showing to her.

So he instead headed for the living room with Haru trailing along behind him and then kneeling alongside him as he attempted to rouse his older cousin from his sleep.

"Oi, Shigure, you need to wake up and eat." He said, poking his older cousin's face and repeating the words louder. It seemed to partly work, as two dark brown eyes blinked at him in annoyance before scrunching closed once more, a soft growl reverberating from his throat. Kyo sighed, looking to an unimpressed Haru for help.

"Shigure, wake up," Haru tried, gently shaking his shoulders and then softly slapping his cheek. This proved to be the most effective method of the two as he slowly blinked opened his eyes long enough to see Haru smiling softly at him. "Welcome home, Sensei."

Shigure couldn't supress his own small smile from appearing once his eyes opened and he appreciate the sight of his two cousins through his bleary vision. "Thank you, it's good to be home."

He sits up and closes his eyes, yawning and stretching his arms behind his head, wincing after a moment. He frowns and brings his arms back into his lap, feeling a fresh bout of pain radiating from his right wrist. It's only then he remembers Hatori not giving him medication and his smile falters before thinning into a line.

"Are you hungry?" Kyo says, standing before him with crossed arms and his signature frown. It seems off, as if he's more than just irritated but Shigure brushes it off, his mind too fuzzy to decipher his cousin's body language.

"No." He mumbles as he stares at his wrist, trying to move it without flinching or feeling pain flare through his veins.

Kyo lets out an exasperated sigh and glares at him. "Don't tell me you're not hungry, you're hungry. You haven't eaten in too long, you're madder than a cow if you think you can get away with it."

Shigure's brow twitches and he pauses his ministrations to look up at the challenging firey eyes. He can feel waves of nausea roll and torrent in his stomach, only further fuelled by the intolerable pain that bleeds from the broken bones and is now hammering away at his skull. The fire from beneath his skin only readily boils his blood in such a way he has to make a conscious effort not to snap at the two boys. "I'll eat later." He mutters.

"No you-"

"Kyo, please. My wrist hurts and I have a headache and I feel sick." He doesn't even look up, just labours his breathing to ease the pressure behind his eyes.

"Where's your meds?" Kyo asks, crouching down to be eye-level with the brunette, his eyes narrowing in anger when he's told that Hatori refuse to hand them over.

"Maybe it would be best to talk first, then come and eat later." Haru suggests, and it doesn't seem like a half-bad idea.

Kyo stands back up and considers the idea. "And I can find some paracetamol…" He adds under his breath.

Not as if Shigure was really paying attention, just staring at the plain rice paper doors that had been broken so many times. Any yet each time it was repaired and repaired and repaired until the day there'd be nobody left to repair it. Shigure wants that, he pines for the security of knowing each time the world throws something at him with enough force to rip him to shreds, there will always be somebody to fix him until the day those people are in their respective graves and he's left to join them. He wants to break and he wants to feel and he wants to be fixed. He wants to be healed.

"Shigure." Kyo says, as if he had been trying to get his attention for some time now. "Shigure, let's go to my room."

There are any perverted things he could say in response to that, but right now he can't think of a single one of them, doesn't want to. All of his previous joy of seeing his family has somehow drained since the first few moments he'd been awake. He can only think it was because he'd still been in the numb haze of sleep when he'd offered the smile, still feeling the lingering hush of voices trying to drag him back to a reality far from his own. And now he's trailing up the stairs behind his two cousins knowing they were going to ask him why he felt the need to rip his skin open and expose his blood to the bathroom sink.

As he walks down the corridor, Yuki exits his room. For a moment the two just stare at each other. Yuki's eyes are hard and cold before they even meet Shigure's, even before they glint with recognition and anger. But Shigure's eyes are passive and reveal nothing, except his heart twinges a little when Yuki shoves past.

"C'mon"

He walks into the room, and sits on chair at Kyo's desk. The room is warm and comforting and brightly-lit, it makes him feel tired and worn out because he is none of those things. He waits for Kyo to enter the room seeing as how he went to the bathroom to search for some kind of painkiller. When he enters the room and offers Shigure two pills and a glass of water, Shigure says nothing, just takes the medication and looks at them. He thinks he still feels the way the pills surface grind against his throat as he swallows them, unpleasant and uncomfortable, but he's acutely aware that he'd be more then willing to take a bottle of them everyday if they'd fix the way his mind worked.

"Sensei," Haru starts from where he's sat on the floor at the low table. His eyes are transfixed onto Shigure's own, undeterred by the passive mask and trying to explore the depths beneath them. "Sensei, please talk to us."

"Yeah, we really are worried."

Their concern is playing on the strings of his heart, the ones that haven't already snapped. It's as if they strum out a soft, mournful melody, that's the only reason for the lump in his throat, or the way his eyes water, tears sloshing around as if he were nothing more than a clear glass filled to the brim with water threatening to spill with each movement. They want an explanation and yet Shigure doesn't even have one he could offer to himself. He's confused and worried and scared for himself; how do you speak truthful words to even yourself when your mind refuses to form them? How can you possibly save yourself when you don't know what you're fighting? It's as though he were trapped in some awful, dark room, his ears ringing from the dreadful silence that had settled and covered everything like a thick layer of dust. How can you fight that silence if it devours your words and thoughts? He had the power to do nothing but scream and crying knowing they'd be lost in nothingness.

"It's as you see." He says after some great pause. "I am nothing but blood and metal and that is why I am resented by Hatori and myself alike. What more do you want me to say?"

"How about why you think you feel the need to cut yourself? You have us all worried about you and it doesn't help when you're rattling on about how your life has no meaning!" Kyo snaps, his cheeks flushing with anger at his cousin. He's leaning forward from where he's perched on the bed, staring at the pale skin wrapped in bandages and a kimono, listening to the words he speaks and feeling something rise in his stomach.

"Kyo, you don't have-"

"I am not doing anything because I have to. I'm here shouting at you because I want to. I'm doing this not because I have to, but because you have to realise that we're here for you!"

"You don't mean that.." Is all Shigure can bring himself to whisper, and yet the words are washed away by the passion and intensity in which Kyo speaks.

"Yes I do! I'm here for you Shigure! I am right in front of you, giving you what I have! You are my brother and so you are what I have and I can't lose you. I can't do that so you need to try! Try!"

There's silence for a while after that. Just the sound of Kyo breathing hard to calm down and steady his breath.

I know this isn't a good ending, but I just really wanted to get this chapter out there since I don't update nearly as often as I should… And I just wanted to say that I'm actually scared of making Shigure's condition worse because it'll be seriously hard for them to pull him out (and that's if they can). And sorry for any mistakes I made while writing, I was in a hurry.. And sorry if I wrote too much monologue in this, I'm trying to explore Shigure's thoughts but I can't seem to decide what I'm doing, sorry if that showed in my writing. But yah, there you go! :)


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